Live.Laugh.Love.

Last night was a typical night for me.
A strange situation, at a strange hour of the night.
My favourite visitors arrive at two am.

I had two options.
Both would've put two friendships on the line.
So I took option three.

The old and the new create a whirlwind of surprises.
There is such a contrast between your approaches.
Yet both seem to send shivers up my spine.

Last night was filled with all the things I've been missing lately.
Even if it did leave me with a headache in the morning.

Life is complicated.
 

And I still feel alone.

Time passes.
More memories fade away.

Months pass slowly, but at least they pass.
Tears fall from my face like crystals from a chandelier.

Others come, and go just the same.
They don't care for sad smiles on pretty faces.

These days, my eyes are almost permanently forest green.
Sky blue was the color you brought out in me.
Others cannot unlock this secret hue.

It does get easier, day by day.
Still, you took the easiest route.
I'm still swimming across the sea, while you're already waiting on the pier.

Three years is a long time.

And I still miss you like it was yesterday.

Forever yours, my love.
 

Strangest feeling yesterday.
I finished the last book in the Twilight series, and felt utterly.. at peace.
I've never been affected by anything as much as this series affected me.
I don't know if it's the timing that made it seem so more significant, but this was just.. amazing.

The feeling I had, was one I've never had anything like before.
It was like experiencing every emotion at once.
I was euphoric, and melancholic.
Confused, and yet I'd never seen clearer.
Numb, and yet completly aware of everything.

It was.. something else.


My first love should have turned 22 today, and instead he's 6 feet under.
Apparently this makes me an immature and selfish brat because I don't want to go out when I'm likely to break down and wreck everyone's night.

I wish that people could empathise.
At the same time, I wish that no-one would ever have to empathise.
I couldn't truely wish this pain onto anyone.

It gets easier, as each year goes by, but it's still not simple.
He will always hold a place in my heart, and nothing's going to change that.
Learning to live with it is just harder than I'd like it to be.

You let me down the other day.
You said I could depend on you, and I tried to, and you walked away.

There are two people that I want to talk to right now, both of who are currently interstate.
So I'm having to rely on myself.
I've always been a solitary person.

Maybe I really am meant to be alone.
 

And what a journey it has been.
Every year I learn more; I get stronger, smarter, and more independant.
As usual, this year has been a year of ups and downs, but I've come out on top.
The saying 'eight steps forward, seven steps back' could seriously describe my life.

I've loved, and lost.
Made new friends, and become reaquainted with old ones.
Finished year 12, at the age of sixteen.
Sat double the amount of exams that I needed to.
Finally got id again.
Had the worst low points and the greatest high points of my life.
Made some stupid mistakes, that I'll regret forever.
Made some clever mistakes, that worked out better in the end.

Overall, I've noticed that my life is very much the same.
There are always new adventures, and I enjoy every bit of it, but it's still a cycle for me.

I've realised this year, that I can accomplish anything with a little bit of sacrifice.
So here are my new years resolutions:
1. Tick a least 5 things off my list of stuff I want to do in my life.
2. Save up enough for my volkswagen golf.
3. Exercise at least twice a week.
4. Keep preparing for my Psych course.
5. Stick to my instincts.

Considering I've never made new years resolutions before, I'm making 5 this year to catch myself up.

Happy new years, sugars.

So I just wanted to start by apologising to everyone that had to put up with my emotional shit this year.
I've been through a lot, and I probably wouldn't have gotten through it if it wasn't for a certain few people.
My depression affected me so much this year, and I think I've finally gotten through it.
I won't say that I don't have moments of weakness, but at least now, I'm back to being myself.

I find that so much changes in a year.
I'm never friends with the same group of people that I was the year before. Never.
I find new friends, and run out of time for old ones.
Some people are friends with the same group of friends for most of their life. I don't do that.
So I've decided I want to stop doing that - losing old friends.
I'm going to make time to see people I haven't seen in months, years even for some of them.

It's funny, I never see my own weaknesses until they manifest in other people.
I blamed people for never saying when there were problems to be fixed, when I did exactly the same.
Even now, I'm only just realising all the things I've done wrong this year.

I had some very interesting conversations last night.
It's funny how stories change the more you tell them.
I don't really know what the truth is anymore, but I don't really care either way.
Whatever it was that actually happened, it doesn't change the end result.

Ohh funniest thing wednesday night. This guy who's like 25 wants to take me out.
Which would be like tj and jess all over again.
Not gonna happen anyway, since I don't like him that way, but I found it amusing.

This one has come to an interesting end.
I'd say 'bad', but honestly it worked out kind of well for me.
Can't say the same for everyone that's been a part of my life in the last couple of years.

I've lost best friends.
Some are physically gone, others have just chosen to walk out of my life.
I've made friends with people that I didn't really think existed.
And they are amazingly wonderful.
I've still got a lot of people who mean the world to me.
Even if I don't always have time to see them.
I've started at new schools.
And finally finished, after finding the perfect one.

Everything that I've been through this year, all the fights and friends I've lost, have taught me so much.
And I wouldn't change a single thing that's happened for the world.

I've drunk, danced, and partied my ass off.
And I've found that I'm at my happiest when I'm alone.

Here's to new friends, new experiences, and the next amazing chapter.